Monday, March 2, 2009

Called to Anxiety

On Saturday, I ran a one-day writing conference called Peak Writing Conference. I have never ran a conference before, but I have an awesome board. Everyone worked well together and the Lord made it all run smoothly.

I have talked little about my anxiety issues before. The pressure of running a conference and anxiety don’t exactly mix well.

So why would a relatively sane person with anxiety take something on that she knows will cause more anxiety?

I felt called by God to run a small conference like this for years.

God is not content to leave me hiding in my closet, which is where my anxiety can send me. He wants me to grow and tell others about Him and the wonderful things He is doing in my life. I can’t do that from closet very well. Not much exciting happens there. ☺

When God calls, you have to answer. Sometimes the answer is an immediate “yes,” other times a “no way,” and other times it is a “maybe, can I think about it?” But we do answer whether we realize it or not.

If we say yes, God smiles.

If we say no, God waits to ask again. And sometimes He even smiles because He knew we would say no, but He had to ask anyway.

If we say can we think about it?, God waits and gives us the time we need to think. He also smiles as he watches us figure it out.

God has been working on me for years and setting everything up to put me in a position to run this conference, and He rewarded my obedience. He did not have me run this conference and have it go well to make me look good, but to glorify Himself and help me grow in Him.

Do I still have anxiety? Yes. Do I like it? No. But with the Lord, I’m learning to deal with it and to live with it. I don’t mean “live with it” as in tolerate it. I mean live life in spite of it and not hide in my closet.

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